Garbage disposals make INCREDIBLE juicers

I tore my sink apart to install a garbage disposal that wasn't nonworking and didn't smell like someone had disposed of all 30 of some old lady's cats after she died in it, only to find that I needed some extra part I had thrown out with the old one to make it fit right. Instead of disparing I made the situation into an opportunity.

Noticing the spinny part was very flat I realized it looked just like the one on my juicer. The juicer that cost 130 bucks and which could get stuffed up by one little apple if it didn't land in just right. Admittedly it's much better than any other juicer I've had but I hardly end up using it because if you've used a juicer before you know they pretty much suck. The cleaning part really sucks, but the big thing is they just don't have enough horsepower.

So I set it on the counter and got to work, and damn I was impressed. It can juice anything! Anything! It could juice an old boot, or the nosy neighbors always trying to find my still, or the police who come asking about those nosy neighbors or the pesky kids because of whom I otherwise wouldn't have gotten away with it all. Things like apples and grapes and nectarines and plums are a snap, and thank god because otherwise I'd not know what to do with them all. Only drawback is there's no way to clean it, but it needs to go under my sink at some point anyway, I guess.

Damn, I just lived out a real life version of a Tim Allen bit, didn't I?